PITFALLS OF FAMILY LIFE: INDIRECT BATTLES FOR POWER
Unhealthy couples have difficulty with intimacy. When the stress of illness and recovery is added to their struggles, they often resort to indirect ways of battling with each other. These indirect strategies can create yet another version of the family scramble to remain organized, and they can complicate cardiac rehabilitation.
The basic problem in some marriages is that one or both partners do not respond to direct, open, and honest requests for behavior change. For example, an unhealthy partner has trouble responding to direct feedback such as, "I feel lonely when you don't talk with me. I'd like you to notice me more, ask me about my days, and be more affectionate with me." Or "Sometimes I just like to be quiet and into my own thoughts and hobbies. It's not that I'm angry or want to shut you out; it's just that I sometimes want my own space."
When partners fail in their attempts to negotiate needed change in their marriage openly, indirect struggles to change each other often result. Two such indirect attempts to change the relationship are (1) assuming a helpless or passive position in the marriage and (2) developing a chronic symptom.
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